


Vows of Love

by PurplePotato83



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 00:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePotato83/pseuds/PurplePotato83
Summary: Kazunari and Jun have been a couple for a long time and now, their relationship will move to the next level, but what happens when one of them is not sure because of his insecurities?





	Vows of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first fanfic posted here (which is my livejournal too!) and, honestly, is one of my favourites. This is one of my beloved OTP’s, so brace yourselves, I’ll be sharing lots of Matsumiya Love here!  
> I hope everybody like it <3 -insert here a lot of yellow and purple hearts-  
> Comments will be loved~

I entered my apartment and a puff of dust rose up, making me sneeze loudly. The furniture in the living room were covered with white blankets, which were a bit shabby from the dust; I didn’t imagine that everything would be so filthy, I was just gone away for a few months, it wasn’t like I had left my home, or did I?

I must confess that I wasn’t in the best moment of my life. I had just returned from a long trip. I had been in Germany, trying to forget that at that time, eight months ago, I should’ve been able to enjoy a honeymoon that never happened.

 

_That day would be the best day of my life._

_I woke up with a sweet sensation in my chest; I was nervous, but at the same time was so excited that nothing else mattered. That day I was going to marry the love of my life. After four years of relationship, finally, Jun and I were going to unite our lives. J proposed to me in front of the Eiffel Tower; that night we went for dinner because he had insisted that we hadn’t been spending time together since I was fully dedicated to work._

_I went to Paris to get my next clothing collection and Jun came with me to look for some inspiration for his book. As I saw him kneeling in front of me, my soul dropped to my feet; without stopping to cry, I nodded continuously, saying “I do” in all possible ways. I was incredibly happy to see the simple white gold ring on my finger. After that beautiful day, everything went spirally; We were planning a big wedding, and aproximately 200 guest would’ve came. I knew lot of people and so did J; all of our friends wanted to share that special moment with us._

_The stress was taking over me; I had a lot of work, along with the preparations for the wedding... I was exhausted, but my sweet fiancé was always there for me, lulling me into his arms to sleep._

_After months of work, finally. I was going to get married._

_I saw my silhouette dressed in the exquisite white tailored suit – designed by myself and I smiled. To be honest, I looked amazing. But I couldn’t wait to see my fiancé. I knew that the moment I see him, I’d cry. Sho, my best friend, he was at my side, smiling excitedly. He stood in front of me, straightening my tie; I knew he was doing that because he was nervous, since it didn’t need to be fixed anymore._

_“I can’t believe that the time has come, Ninomi. You are going to get married.” He said in a whisper, smiling again._

_“I can’t believe it either, Sho-chan... I have a huge desire to cry.”_

_“Don’t you dare to cry right now. Or at least, if you do, then must be tears of joy.” Sho hugged me, sighing. “I wish you a lot happiness with Jun, you both deserve it.”_

_“Thanks Sho, you're the best friend I ever had.” I said, still holding him._

_“I am the only best friend you have.” We both laughed and pulled away from him; then I took his hands and exhaled deeply._

_“It's time to get married.”_

_The wedding would take place at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Tokyo. Everything had been prepared to the smallest details, the guests were in the room, our families were already waiting for us. As I went down in the elevator, I was mentally reviewing my vows, which I wrote out weeks in advance, but I knew that at the last moment I would say what was in my heart._

_When the elevator doors opened, I caught sight of Jun in front of me. He wore a beautiful white suit like mine. But he wore a lilac tie, his hair pulled back, and his jacket was unbuttoned, revealing as vest clinguin to his slender figure. When I saw his face, I knew something was wrong. He had dark circles and a slight bags under his eyes; he apparently had a bad night, maybe he wasn’t able to sleep because of the nervousness._

_“Kazunari...” He whispered to me, with a sad smile. “You look incredibly amazing today.”_

_“Thanks, you too, J.” I was able to said._

_“I shouldn’t be here, I should be waiting for you next to the priest.” He said quietly, taking one of my hands. We looked at each other in the eyes and I knew it._

_He didn’t want to marry me._

_“What's going on?” I asked with my heart beating frantically, afraid to hear his answer._

_“Kazu, I...” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was having a hard time to speak._

_“Kazunari... please, forgive me.” He said with a broken voice, while I refused again and again. This couldn’t be happening. “I'm so sorry babe, but... I can’t. I'm not sure yet.”_

_“What did you say? You're kidding, right?” Jun started to cry, holding my hand tightly. But I pulled my hand out of his grip; I didn’t want him to touch me, and I didn’t want to even be at his side._

_“I love you, but... I’m not ready yet. I didn’t sleep last night wondering if this was right or not.”_

_“And you told me just now? When the guests, our friends and our families are waiting for us... in this damn moment you told me you're unsure of marry me?” I cried out, I felt like anger came over me. Jun tried to approach me, but I pushed him with all the strength I had, trying to push him away from me. Some curious eyes were fixed on us, but I didn’t give a fuck that we were being watched. “You know what? I don’t care anymore, go and fuck yourself...”_

_“Kazunari...” He whispered hoarsely._

_“I don’t want anything from you, this shit was canceled.” I said before I get out of there. I wanted to be away from everything, especially from him._

 

After that day, I packed my bags and I confined myself in a small apartment in Hamburg, seeing my family via Skype and periodically receiving my best friend at home. Sho was the only one who knew where I was and he always went to visit me. Maybe he did because he was afraid that I would hurt myself, but I wouldn’t kill myself because of J, although I wanted to do it. After Jun and I break up, I had become a dark person; I didn’t smile, I never left the house, I didn’t even wanted to work. My days always passed in the same way, I was in bed all day long, eating something when I remembered it and playing endlessly on the DS.

I finally came back to Japan after eight months; I was going to catch up with work and trying to move on. I didn’t want to think about him anymore and I was tired of crying all the time, wondering again and again why we didn’t work out. I was sick of love him more and more every day. The fact that I couldn’t even hate him though Jun had canceled our wedding at the same day it was held made me angry. I love him even more; I still missed our long talks at night before sleep. I still missed the time when I’d offered him a cup of coffee in early mornings because Jun was staying awake all night to write, I missed seeing him cooking for me, his long hugs, and even our arguments for any nonsense.

“It's enough.” I’ve told myself to stop thinking about J, which became impossible for me because he was always on my mind, though I was trying to find a distraction.

I pulled back the blankets that were covering the furniture and left them on the ground; it was time to put everything in order and clean it up. I removed the sheets of my bed, cleaned the house, threw away the useless leftovers that were in the refrigerator and then going to buy some food to the _konbini_ after finishing cleaning the apartment. When I returned home, I took a shower and left my bags at one side of the room, feeling tired to organize it in my closet.

I was lying in bed and I turned around, looking at a box which I had not noticed it was there. I got up and walked over to the box, letting out a sigh when I saw that at the top was something written in the unmistakable handwriting of Sho, it said "MatsuJun’s belongings." My best friend had packed it up so that I wouldn’t see his stuff around the house.

“As always, you think about everything, Sho-chan.” I muttered with a slight smile.

Now I understood why in the apartment there was no photo of J, his books weren’t there, I haven’t even seen the glimpse of his favorite mug in the kitchen. Sho had taken care of "eliminate it" somehow, his memories in the house, and he had achieved in some way. I let out a sigh and left the box as it was, I wouldn’t see what was inside and I wasn’t interested. If my ex didn’t care about his stuff, I don’t give a fuck either. I had decided to wait for two weeks, and if within that time, nobody was going to get the box, I was going to throw it all away. I didn’t want anything around me that could make me remember about Jun’s existence.

 

*                             *                           *

 

In a rainy night with a cup of hot chocolate as a company, I was working.

I was drawing a sketch, letting my imagination flow; I’ve had a very long vacation and it was time to work. I had in mind an idea to have a great return and I knew that if I put the effort required, I would be able to do it. I drew a line with the pencil; I glanced at the box filled with J’s stuff from the corner of my eyes for the nth time… after nearly two weeks had passed, no one had come looking for it. Sho had told me that the last time he had seen my ex-boyfriend, he told Sho that he’d send off his sister to pick it up, and so I remained waiting for her.

I couldn’t deny that I felt a huge curiosity gnawing inside of me; I wanted to see what on earth was inside the box. Although I knew very well that these were J belongings, I probably should checked them before throwing it. Perhaps it were some things of mine there too, or things I still consider important. I must admit that until I saw it all and satiate my curiosity, I couldn’t concentrate at work, so I should probably see it, since I wanted to work peacefully.

 _"You're lying!"_ Shouted a voice inside of me.

I ignored the objection of my subconscious and let the pencil on the table; I stood up and fixed my hair as a self-reflex before I bend down to the box and open it carefully with an exaggerated slowness. I swore I could hear my heart pounding uncontrollably; with a deep breath, I immersed myself into the deep sea of memories that were in that box. I pulled a black bag with countless photos inside. A sad smile touched my lips as I saw the pictures.

Many of these photos were taken by Jun when I was sleeping, when I was working, even when I was watching TV. I remembered that he used to have a Polaroid all the time, taking photos of everything and everyone, so he caught any moment he deemed important. I saw pictures of our first date, pictures of the first time we went to New York, pictures of our last Christmas together, the pictures we had taken when we moved into that apartment; we looked so happy, so _in love_...

I put the pictures aside and I continued digging through the box, laughing when I found a plush doll that Jun had given to me a long time ago. We had named it "Momo" and it was the ugliest monkey that I ever seen in my whole life, but I used to slept with him when J wasn’t at home. Overwhelmed by memories, I sat on the floor with Momo beside me continuing with my review and feeling like my eyes filled with tears when I found some CD's, more pictures, even letters J had written in his outbursts of romanticism.

A mistreated and wrinkled paper had caught my attention.

It was full of scribbles, striking out certain words, and I decided to read it, thinking that perhaps it was Jun’s draft. He always used to write any idea that came to his mind, regardless of whether it was on the computer or in any paper he had close to him. As soon as I started reading it, my heart clenched and Jun’s handwriting began to become blurry and somewhat distorted because of my tears. It was the vows of my ex fiancé.

The vows he had written for our wedding. Holding my breath for a few seconds, and trying to stop my tears, I’ve read the whole page, feeling like I was sinking back into desperation, feeling the huge hole in my chest grew and feeling the pain went back to take over me.

“You, asshole!” I cried out. “If you really had loved me as much as you said, you would have stayed by my side!” I yelled, kicking the box, which rolled over; leaving most of his stuff scattered on the floor. “If you cared so much about my happiness, then you shouldn’t leave me alone…”

“Every day I regret for it.” His voice echoed through the room, making me to look around and saw Jun in front of me. He was standing in the doorway, wearing a ripped jeans, a white shirt, his black hair somewhat disheveled and a slight beard on his face. “It was the worst decision that I’ve took in my whole life.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I stood up, still looking into his eyes.

“I came here to get my stuff... I didn’t know you were here.”

“How'd you get in?” I asked again.

“I still have the keys, I thought of leaving them here now. “ His brown eyes drifted from my face to my left hand, and it widened when he saw what I was holding. “What are you doing with that?”

“It doesn’t matter what I was doing with it, because after all, they were words thrown into the void, because the only thing they did was destroy me again... like everything that has to do with you, Matsumoto Jun.” I answered, dropping the paper to the floor.

“Nino, please don’t say that...”

“Then what you don’t want me to say? Do you want me to say that you’ve left me like a stupid person the day of our wedding? Do you want me to say thanks to you I’ve hit my lowest? Do you want me to say I’ve suffered every day and I regret having meeting you?”

“I know, I know... everything you say it's true... it is true that I made you suffered something terrible, I know I broke your heart into pieces, but...” J approached me, sighing loudly. “You're not the only one who has been suffering, you're not the only one who has spent sleepless nights, days without eating, only thinking of how unhappy you are. And worst of all, I was the only one who took that stupid decision and now... I’m seeing you in front of me and all I want to do is to embrace you like I used to...”

“Stop, Jun.” I interrupted him, shaking my head. “If you come to get your things, take them and go. You and I have nothing to talk about.”

“Kazunari...”

“I have to work, and this is distracting me.” I pointed out wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.“Since eight months ago there is no longer any bond between us. And don’t tell me that now you saw me, you realized that you miss me, like this time we've been apart was nothing, because I will not believe you.”

“When I asked you to marry me...”

“No, no... I’ve told you I don’t want to hear nothing about it.” I interrupted him abruptly, feeling the tears fell to wet my cheeks.

“Please.” He begged, looking at me pleadingly.

“I don’t know what the hell are you doing here; why you're coming back to get your things now? I stayed in Hamburg for more than half year, so why are you here now?”

“Maybe I lied and I came because I knew you were here, Nino. I can’t continue to pretend that I'm not dying without you... I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with the stupid decision I took, I got tired of making everyone believed that I'm fine, and continue as a sissy, pretending that nothing affects me.” My ex said quietly.

“J, please…”

“When I asked you to marry me, I was totally sure. I had chosen the ring on three months in advance, I saw it every night and I couldn’t wait until you use it in your finger.” Jun smiled sadly, biting his lower lip. “When you told me you wanted to marry me, I was so happy I couldn’t believe it, and after a few weeks we were getting married, everything went spirally. I felt like I was on a roller coaster... everyone said that our wedding would be a great event and... I was scared, I was insecure.”

“You were insecure of marrying me?” I asked in a barely audible whisper. “It's ironic, because it was you who decided to propose to me, and then, you regretted.”

“I had some doubts. I was afraid that we gave that step and in the end, everything went wrong... and I know, I acted as the biggest coward of all the cowards.”

“Jun look, my parents got divorced long ago and it was very painful for me. And nevertheless, I fell in love with you and I wanted to prove to myself that we wouldn’t be like my parents.” I outlined a weak smile and continued. “Despite all, I wanted to have what my parents couldn’t have, I thought I was going to achieve it with you.”

“And I screwed up. It's stupid that I’ve wrote so many stories with happy endings, with main characters who fight for their love fiercely, and I... I let the happiness spliped by foolish fears. I let go of the only person I have loved with all my life, the only one wose smiles could remove any discomfort, any pain, any anger... I was completely happy with you.” Jun began to mourn, stroking his hair and leaving it messy. “I'm here in a pathetic attempt to get you back with me, because I am nothing without you.”

“Get back with me? After so long...?”

“Nino, I love you. I love you more than anything in my life, and the time I've lived next to you is the best thing that ever happened to me... I don’t want to let our love die and in the end I’ll regret for not being with the love of my life. And don’t say that isn’t the case, because I know that you have been suffering without me... do you think it's fair that this will be our end?” We look into the eyes and I sighed, he was right. Although a voice inside me told me that it was wrong, I knew I had to return with him.

I approached Jun and he stroked my cheek gently, with a smile.

“I love you too, even though you're a fucking asshole.” I whispered and smiled again.

“I want to get back with you, give me the opportunity to marry you and make you happy this time... please give me the chance. Let us form a family; I want to sleep with you every night and fulfill all that I swore in those votes.” Jun knelt in front of me, taking my hand gently. “Kazunari, will you marry me? This time without fear, without stupid worries, just you and me, facing all together forever”

“If you leave me again, I swear I'll kill you.” I whispered hoarsely.

“Say I do, please.”

“I do, I do want to marry you, J.” I said in response, nodding several times. Jun stood, hugging me tightly around my waist; giving me a gentle kiss on my lips that made me sigh. “I hope for you to fulfill your promise.”

“You'll see baby, I promise to make you my husband in front of everyone.” I smiled again and stroked the cheeks of J, rubbing my nose against his own affectionately.

“I'll make up for all these days of suffering, I promise.”

 

**Three years later …**

The warm breath of Midori brushed my skin. That night she had fallen asleep soon, maybe because of the rocking chair, or maybe because that afternoon I just got back from Milan and she was so excited to see me again. I was also like her; I missed Jun too much and our daughter as well. A month after Jun proposed to me, we had a very discreet wedding, which was attended only by our family and some close friends. Even though it wasn’t what was originally planned, we were very happy with that simple bonding. Two years after we were married, we adopted a beautiful little girl who we called Midori. At first it was a little difficult to take care of her, especially for me; I didn’t have experience with children, but J was always patient with me and helped me in everything that I required, until I could become the "mother" she needed.

That night, after returning home, the three of us had dinner and while I was cuddling Midori to make her sleep, J did the dishes. After that, he locked himself in the studio to write, he was in the final stretch of his ninth novel and it was better not to distract him at that moment; we could talk later.

I took a shower and stayed in the room with my pajamas, feeling too "awake" to go to sleep yet. I left the phone on the bedside table that was next to me and smiled to rediscover a crumpled paper next to a photo of Jun and me. I took it and read it, feeling completely moved; apparently that always happened every time I read those words.

I was so absorbed in my reading I didn’t notice when Jun came into the room. A gentle touch on the cheek made me react; I left the paper on the table and smiled at my husband.

“Sorry, I didn’t saw you.”

“Aren’t you ever get tired of reading that?”  He asked softly, hugging me tightly.

“No.”  I replied, laughing before placing my head on his shoulder, kissing his cheek softly.  “And I don’t ask it again.”

“Got it.” He laughed.  “I thought you were asleep.”

“I know, I should be sleeping, but I feel too excited to go to sleep yet.”  I said, lowering my voice.  “After the flight over here and then, Midori with her excessive energy, I was crushed...”  I laughed again.

“She missed you so much, I think that's why she didn’t leave you alone all night long.”

“I know, I also missed her a lot.”  I nodded and bit my lower lip before speaking again.  “I should being sleeping, but I guess I needed this to be able to do it. ”

“Did you needed me?” J asked with a slight smile. Stroking one of my cheeks with his thumb. I nodded in response.  “So here I am, Kazu...”  I closed my eyes, feeling as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me on the forehead before joining his lips to mine in a sweet kiss that made me sigh. After all these years with him, I still needed his kisses, his hugs, his warmth and his lovely words every night before sleep.

“I love you.”  I whispered against his lips and smiled.

“I love you too, baby.”

I closed my eyes; leaving me enveloped by the sweet feeling. I loved him so much more every day, and every time to his side was a gentle reminder of his oath sworn three years ago. Jun had promised to make me happy and fulfill everything written in his vows; things he effortlessly and with a lot of love was achieving.

_Today is the most important day of my life, today is the day that we’ll be completely united in front of others and also in the society. I promise to give myself to you unconditionally, to take care of you, watch every day for your happiness. Starting today, your dreams are my dreams, your joys are my joys and your sadnesses will also be mine._

_Today I prove to myself that I'm a hopeless romantic who believes in happy endings, I believe in you, I believe in myself and I believe in this  beautiful things that we have. I love all of you, I love your smile and what you have inside; I’m the luckiest person in the world, and I want to thank you for choosing me as your life partner._

_I promise to walk every step with you, be with you in health and illness. I promise to be at your side in your moments of happiness, in your moments of sadness, and even in your moments of anger, when no one can handle you._

_Remember that we were born to be together; this will be for a lifetime. I’ll stand by your side in this crazy journey and I promise to love you every day, and above all, meet every one of the promises I made thee._

_I promise to tell you this every day no matter what: I love you._


End file.
